Absurdly Disgusting!

I'm going to Panera tomorrow morning for a reunion of my Panera Prayer group. It's a great group of girlfriends that pick me up when I need it the most. We all have kids, husbands, mortgages, challenges, worries, fears... the works. I'm looking forward to the downtime.

Being the new & improved health conscious person I am, I downloaded the nutritional info off of their website to see what I would have for breakfast tomorrow. Quickly, in the most absurdly disgusting gut-punch of reality, I understand how my ignorance about nutrition landed me here.

For example, here's my typical Panera breakfast:
Cinnamon Crunch bagel......... 410........ 8
RF Hazelnut Spread............. 150........ 12
Four Cheese Egg Souffle........ 470........ 30
House Latte...................... 390....... 16
GRAND TOTAL ............1420 Cal... 66 Fat

Ladies and Gentlemen... I am currently on 1800 calories - 60 grams of fat A DAY!!! HOLY COW!!!

So, in case you're curious, here's my menu for tomorrow...
Blueberry Bagel............... 330........... 1
Caffe Latte................... 120........... 5
GRAND TOTAL? ......>>>..450 Cal..... 6 Fat

My plan is to give my order to a girlfriend, and go sit in the booth. I'm not even going to look at the counter of goodies. Although, knowing the fat content in them now... I feel my will power getting stronger by the minute!!!

Day 138 - drumroll...

Ta-Da... 213 lbs (2 pounds this week). That's 12 pounds in 22 days.

Today is day 138, counting from 160 down to 0, from September 1 to February 1. The challenge was 50 pounds in those 5 months to transform my size 18 figure from 225 lbs to 170 lbs. This pic is from an event yesterday... go ahead... compare it to the last photo I posted for you on September 9th.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your support. I feel fantastic, I'm gaining confidence, and actually enjoying the journey toward healthier eating.

Miracles never cease? Nope, hard work pays off! Groovy Baby!

A twisty ring

It happened today. Well ok, maybe I just happened to notice it today. My wedding ring is twistable on my finger. I caught myself doodling with it, spinning it around and around my ringfinger. GLEE!!!

This, along with a dozen other of the littlest things about loosing weight are brining me so much joy. Not having to stretch my bra to the max to fasten it. Not changing and re-changing clothes 4 times before I'm (somewhat) happy. Tying both tennis shoes before gasping for a breath. What looks like *might* be a cheekbone emerging. Calling my dad every few days to report the new number. Running with my daughter and dog in the backyard. And a handful more that aren't so mentionable here... :)

Gotta go now, it's been horribly hard to type all this with just my right hand. My left hand is busy at it's new hobby... ring twisting!!!

Have a theme song!

Nothing picks me up faster than a song stuck in my head, well, depending on the song I guess. Normally it's the cute jingle of Backyardigans, Little Bear, or Clifford the Big Red Dog. WonderPets, Curious George... the list goes on for days. I blog in my head while I walk in the mornings and today I realized that I need a Theme Song for my own episode of life. Lyrics that pick me up, that describe where I'm at (metiforically), with a bouncy fast good beat to walk to... exploding with confidence.

Years ago on Ally McBeal a whole episode was devoted to it. Not long after that, my man burned a CD for me of "Tracy" by the Cufflinks. "...Tracy when I'm with you, something you do, bounces me off the ceiling... Tracy day after day when you're this way, I get a loving feeling. Come with me, Don't say no, hold me close, Tracy never let me go -o - o- " I'm not so sure that would still be my "themesong" here are a few in the running:

KT Tunstall... Suddenly I See... "everything around her is a silver pool of light... suddenly I see this is what I want to be... suddenly I see why the hell it means so much me."

Melissa Ethridge... I'm the Only One. "I've been there before and I'm locking the door and I'm not going back there again... It's only fear that makes you run, the demons that you're hiding from, when all your promises are gone, I'm the only one."

Sugarland, Bon Jovie, Dave Matthews, Dixie Chicks, Tom Petty.... they're all reliable sources for inspiration.

I'm building myself a new playlist... Theme Songs. One that doesn't have cartoon characters associated with it!!! Any suggestions??? Walk on baby!

Day 145 - drumroll...

After an ashtonishing 8 pounds my first week, I have to admit to serious let down when I only lost 2 pounds this week. HELLO!?#$%#@ 2 pounds!!! I have to pause a moment to remind myself that THAT is the healthy rate at which to loose it for keeping it off long term. I followed my plan (mostly) and had to forgo the walking challenge due to the mega ankle injury. So heck... 2 pounds is commendable! My goal for the whole month of September was 10 pounds, and I hit that on the 13th.

Saturday"s seem to be my downfall. Last Saturday it was a wedding. This week it was our family reunion. Tables of homemade dishes & desserts spread out before me. UGH! Painful confession: I'm an overeater. I LOVE to eat. I love the way food tastes, feels, smells... all of it. I love the sticky brownies with the kinda hard burned edges, I love extra mayo on a juicy drippy burger, I live for fast food. So I've tried this: I look down at my plate as if looking at the scale, and where I see the precious delicious manna from heaven starring back at me... I picture that disgusting number on the scale.

More confessions coming your way... then I had pizza with galic dip on Sunday... a mini cheese burger for lunch on Monday, wrong snaks throughout the day, and chicken wings with real ranch dressing for dinner on Monday (golf tournament all day!). Needless to say this morning (Tuesday) those 2 pounds were back. So, I'm experiencing some mega motivational issues today. I've vowed to walk no matter what. Wrap that ankle and let's move. Jump right back on the yellow brick road. I have 143 days left to chisel this weight off, and nobody holds the hammer but me.

BE SERIOUS - OR - BE SORRY

The multi-purpose mommy

Mommies are all things to all people. It's been that way or a long time. I'm sure even back in the Garden of Eden Eve was begging Adam to pick up the living room while she put the boys down to bed. Could you please just put the dishes in the dishwasher instead of on the counter??? (I bet you didn't realize that Eve had a dishwasher!)

Now, as my daughter heads off to kindergarten everyday... the mommy to-do list has gotten LONGER than ever. Who knew kindergarten was so much work!? Now there's the get up & out of bed chore (her, well and me too) dressed, breakfast, pack lunch, vitamin, allergy medicine, backpack, lunch box. Out the door & in the car by 6:45 AM. Rediculous. Then, it's afterschool snacks, review the papers that came home, homework, playtime, dinner, baths, teeth, book, bed. I feel like a drill sargent at boot camp. All I do is hussle her, if she attempts to whine I get mad, and I hate it. It frazzles her, and it frazzles me.

All this to say... that women everywhere deserve to spend some effort on themselves. Maybe it's in the form of a long hot shower with the door locked. A queit cup of expensive coffee with other quiet strangers. A book on the front porch? A hot cooked lunch. We deserve to be taken care of. And, it's high time we just admit: we have to do it ourselves. Why do we feel like everyone else can chew the energy right out of us, yet we don't need to recharge? The time doesn't just make itself available, you have to TAKE it!! You are responsible for the success of your family, and it just doesn't happen by accident. You work at it constantly, and therefore should be working on yourself too. Today is Friday. Let's start next week with a plan in place for quiet time daily (walking is great!!) a family night together doing something fun, and a date night with our significant. Eat right, spend money on yourself, splurge a little.

You know the old saying... if mamma ain't happy...

Squeezing fat?

I was just laying on my daughter's bedroom floor as she fell asleep, sizing up how much smaller my "roll" is feeling. When I wondered... Can you squeeze the fat right off of you? I remember my mom using a rolling pin on her belly when I was small. It looked kinda scary, but did it do any good? When you get a massage they say to drink alot of water because the pressure on your tissues pushes toxins into your blood and lymph node system.... Hey, I think I'm onto something here! Could it serously be that easy?? Move over Weight Watchers.... there's a new kid in town... Weight Squeezers!

Thanks loyal fanclub for the calls & email wishes!! Both because of the fall (see below) and just for being a great pep rally of encouragement! I realized this afternoon, that this happens to me every time I get excited about exercise. Last time, I wrenched my left knee (the one with road rash now) and it still hurts from that little attempt at fat burning. Maybe exercise isn't smart until you weigh a little less & could potentially hurt yourself less??? Because frankly, I feel like I got hit by a mack truck. Well, let's say it was a flower delivery truck on it's way to deliver my mommy a beautiful basket of flowers. Nope... it still hurts!

Now, stay tuned for an all new episode of Weight Squeezers! :)

Ouch!!! The perils of exercise

Today, is day 148 in the 160 day challenge . I'm also in the middle of my 30 days of walking challenge. Loving it. Growing confident. Noticing changes in my shape, the way my clothes fit, and that lovely number on the scale (215.8 this morning - 10 pounds!!!)

Here's an important tidbit of info to know about me: I'm a clumsy critter. Today, I decided that I'd add an iPod and earbud (just 1!) to my morning walk. In exchange for that, I left my cell phone at home. Do you see it coming? I'm strutting along, head held high, focusing on the garage door about a 1/2 mile in front of me, stomping off the pounds to "save a horse ride a cowboy" when out of nowhere I'm on the road. Bleeding. I must have stepped on a rock? I twisted my right ankle and dug road debris into my left knee and leg, and both hands. And... no cell phone. Sitting in the middle of the road. I sat there for a few minutes, hoping someone in the neighborhood had seen my tumble & would rush to help. Nope. They've all gone to work. So I hobbled back home, whimpering. David (the dynamic) quickly got ice packs, a cold washcloth, and tylenol. Julia & Shiver snuggled against me in the chair for moral support.

Moral of the story? Lessons learned today? 1) Always take your cell phone. 2) Put your eyes on the road - not on the rack of slinky black dresses you'll be shopping for soon 3) Don't let this stop you from going back out there tomorrow.

Arm yourself with staples

No, not the paper restraining type, the 10 things that everyone has in their kitchen type. As I walked this morning in the beautiful foggy misty chill, I wrote my blog in my head. And I reflected on how much easier grocery shopping is now that I've narrowed down which staples I trust. It took some research. I blocked out a couple of HOURS that I could shop & compare labels without any distractions. Then, even that took trial & error to see if I liked that type of 'colon blow' cereal (as David calls it!) It's tough, because with a 5 year old and a junkfood junkie live with me, which leaves me buying 2 types of milk, 2 types of cheese, 2 breads, 2 butters... they don't know it yet, but since I do all the shopping and all the cooking... they're going to be eating healthier very very soon.

This morning I thought if I could spare somebody all that research & digging... why not?? It takes a lot of work to convert our cabinets & refridgerator to a healthy lifestyle. Having said that, here's my list of top staples that I've determined fit my daily needs. The lid color is how david shops for them!

Butter - Land-o-lakes Light Butter with Canola Oil (green lid)
Bread - Sara Lee soft & smooth Whole Wheat (red & brown label)
Cheese - Kraft 2% american slices, and the snackables sticks 2% Sharp Cheddar individually wrapped
Eggs - omega 3 large - I found Natures Heritage at Walmart (no hormones or antibotics) & of course Eggbeaters & whites only - great scrammbled with diced onions & tomatoes.
Milk - skim 0 fat
Dressing - Aldi - Fit & Active Ranch & Italian
Peanut Butter - Skippy Natural Creamy. (brown lid) No stirring necessary. It's by far the best tasting peanut butter I've ever had. After this, everything else tastes oily. (Thanks Anne!)
Yogurt - Dannon Light & Lively fat free Vanilla (purple) buy the 32 oz size, find out how 1 cup looks in a bowl and don't worry about measuring it every time. I slice up fruit on mine. Also good on whole wheat Eggo Waffles with a shake of cinnammin.
Fruit - Shop Aldi! Fresh & significantly cheaper blueberries, cherries, strawberries, apples, oranges, pineapple, kiwi, bananas. Go for fresh while it's still a tasty option. Nothering worse than $4.00 strawberries in December that taste like cardboard.
Sour Cream -
Almonds - Aldi again! (silver bag) They have a ton of protein and the right kind of fat. I keep a baggie in my purse now & a bag of them in my car all the time! (Thanks Whitney!!) They're my crunchy snack when I'm sinking.
Lunch meat - Oscar Meyer Oven Roasted turkey & rotisseree chicken. My newest favorite is the TLT - Turkey Lettuce Tomato on toasted wheat bread.
Bacon - Butterball turkey bacon. Decent in the microwave, kinda slow to fry.
Crystal Light - loving the strawberry orange banana. I keep a 1/2 gallon milk jug around, it's one tub of CL and just fill it up with cold water. Drink at least 1 full everyday! Lemonade is great too, I use it to sweeten my ice tea.

That's mine... I welcome yours!!! The research has just begun really!!!

Where were you?

For those of us that weren't alive when JFK was shot, 9/11 becomes our version of 'where were you when...' And of course, at 8:47 this morning, it was as easy to recall as yesterday where we were and what we were doing just 6 fast years ago today. I'm nostalgic. I raced home from taking my daughter to school today to be home in time for all of the commemmorative stuff on tv. I really wanted to see the footage of the towers again. The dust and smoke, the terror. If you've read the history of 2/7/02 for me, you know that I NEED to reflect. Otherwise I grow immune. So you can imagine how cheesed I was this morning when it was almost not even newsworthy that today was the 6 year anniversary of the horrid attacks.

So, I made my own reflections. I recalled where I was, how I felt, even that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was pregnant with our daughter. My earliest thoughts were what kind of an evil world I was willing to bring a child into. Today, it was newsworthy to me, that her generation, her class of kindergarteners are the first of the crop that weren't born yet on that day. They will never quiet experience the trama of that black smoke rising into the blue sky. Much like I've never understood the drama associated with Elvis' death or JFK's assassination, or Dr.Martin Luther King's murder. But alas, those of us that saw it will never forget the fear we knew and forever now know. We knew the innocence of the world before evil found such a monumental demonstration of hatred.

So for me today, it seems insulting to be consumed by something as superficial as a number on the scale. I've spent today celebrating life. Innocence, and a bright hope for the future in the generation of children that didn't see it all fall apart in mere minutes.

Let's Talk Rewards!

Ok, so the goal has been set. Hours of analysis into what makes me eat... what tempts me... how I got into these size 18 shorts.... and exactly what I'm willing to do differently this time VS all the times before. But wait, let's pause a moment to discuss the rewards!!!

Well, of course there will be the undescribable fulfillment when I can zip up my sexy DKNY jeans that I wore to my wedding rehearsal dinner 7 years ago. But, until then, let's talk consumeable goods. Here's the list I made on day 160. (we're on day 151 if you're keeping track)

My Rewards Along The Way -
Black strappy shoes - because fat feet don't look nice in them
Manicure/pedicure - to show off the toes in the strappy shoes
Full body massage - necessary from all the exercising!
New tennis shoes - ok, a fitness necessity, true, not really a reward
Brown leather belt - to show off the flat tummy
Victoria Secrets Bra - I've never had one, actually never shopped there for more than lotion!
Dance Lessons - Sunny, if you're reading this, I need those moves girlfriend!
Dinner at the Melting Pot - No, this does not count as a food reward!
Vera Bradley bag & wallet - Never had one of these either!
Sexy bathing suit - because I'll need it for...
.... the ultimate reward ...
A Windjammer Cruise for 2 - actually set as the reward for the phase 3 goal of 73 pounds, but something tells me when I hit 50, hubby will say we can go!

But... let's not get too carried away. At 8 pounds, I celebrated with a new makeup bag, and a chicken biscuit from Chick-fil-A. But I didn't eat the biscuit!!! :) Honest.

Sunday Check-in...

Oh Baby... it's Sunday, and that means the ever dreaded 2 inch step-up onto the scales.

Drumroll please...... EIGHT POUNDS!!!!!! *insert screaming like a maniac right here!*

Holy cow? At first, I just stood there looking at that number... 217. I think my brain was a little bit confused that the second number wasn't a '2'. As in 225, a mere 7 days ago.

This pic is from today, no, I'm not looking like a vegas showgirl quiet yet, but hey... 8 pounds is a fantastic start! And, that belt I'm wearing is on the 4th hole thank you very much!!! Today, I even found myself telling strangers about my 1st big victory, and took a bath with my daughter, something I haven't done in many many months. AND... took much pleasure in listening as my hubby told his mother about my big 'ole success. She, was literally shocked. Me too for that matter!!! We went to a wedding last night, and I was SO good at the buffet, but enjoyed every single crumb of hot pink fondant wedding cake. But, later admitted that the enjoyment of the cake was not worth the gutwrenching hatred I had for myself hours afterward.

Speaking of cravings (wedding cake!!!) this was a great survey on myalli.com today. I answered yes to all but 3. I'll let you guess which 3. External Triggers that set off your desire to overeat: Boredom, Menstrual symptoms, anxiety/worry, relaxing in front of the tv, socializing, late-afternoon slump, after work wind-down, full candy dishes, loneliness, food commercials, goodies in the breakroom, your child's uneaten meal, feeling sad, grocery store samples, bedtime habit, snack food on the kitchen counter, passing by a fast-food outlet, vending machines, anger, peer pressure, nervousness, holidays/birthdays, lack of energy, feeling overwhelmed.

Recognizing conditioned cravings goes a long way in fighting them. Hooray! One week down - fast food boycott was successful... 30 days of walking still underway... fruit & whole wheat bread in the kitchen!!! Life is SO good.

30 days of exercise

I decided on Wednesday of this week that I was walking in the mornings come hell or high water. So I got up early (5:00 AM) and was prepared to go. Only problem... it's still dark at 5 AM. Problem. So, I watched a really eye-opening half our of music videos from the early 80s and took a moment to thank our maker that Big Hair finally went out of style. Took my daughter to school, and only came back inside long enough to put down my purse and leash up my pup... off I went!!! Miracles never cease.



As I walked, I created a new 30 day challenge.... that I would walk (nothing fancy) every day for the next 30 days. Walking, I know, changes my shape pretty fast. So, now I have a new challenge to go alongside the 7 day fast food boycott. Which, concludes on Saturday... I'm torn as to wether I will celebrate with a big mac or a tuna pita. Either way, I'm so increadibly proud of myself I can't stand it. I - ME - turned down Breyers Bubble Gum ice cream last night. And... catch this one... have not eaten a single powdered sugar donut, even though they are in my house at this very moment. Ah, the power.



Backsliding is not an option this time. Although, I'm not putting my fat clothes on craigslist just yet.

Who created hummus?

I'll tell you who... a stay at home mommy that tried in vain to feed her toddler a jar of smooshed peas! As mouthfuls of smelly gunk got spit back at her, she thought... this would be great on a rice cake! God love her.

Ok, so hummus is NOT my newest favorite food. Not the end of the road. I'm certain there are miles of stuff at Publix (that I barely know what they are) that I haven't tried yet. No worries! :) Eating healthier does not have to be disgusting. (Right?) Right!

My hands feel a little thinner today. A small little token of progress that I've notices just now as I'm typing! MUST exercise today. Maybe the 'ole tae-boe VHS tape. There's nothing more rewarding as punching thin air while admiring the stacks of muscle on Billy Blanks. Or, maybe I'll just lace up my walking shoes and jog down that mile of healthy food at Publix!!

Anybody interested in a half-eaten tub of hummus? Anybody?

Welcome Back Stage...

Well, it's September 2, and the journey has begun. My first check in resulted in gaining back the 1st five pounds that I'd lost. Minor setback! But, we went on a little vacation and enjoyed my dad's 74th birthday celebration... so let's say last week didn't count and I'm starting fresh today.

CLEAN SLATE.... doesn't everyone deserve one? YES!!

I'm vowing to use this blog as an accountability tool for the next 160 days of transformation. I know in the back of my mind that no one may read it, yet, I'll type.

My new 'fat picture' was taken on Thursday, August 30, 2007 at Wilmington, NC. That's my nephew John in the pic - he's getting married on the beach in April. The next picture I show you of me and him... I plan to be in a slinky beach dress. My goal? 50 pounds in 5 months. For the record, since this is a public forum, that's from 225 to 175. 175, dear friends, was before Julia. Before David even. The picture in my profile was at 175.

Maybe I'll share the details of how this time will be different, maybe I won't. But, rest assured... it will be. So, welcome aboard if you care to watch along as I improve. I'm putting myself on a public stage (sort of!) to be accountable in front of you. I promise it won't be boring details of what I had for breakfast. And NO, you don't get to see the naked 'before' pictures!

Today's MAJOR accomplishment... my 1st temptation on the fast-food boycott! We stopped at Sonic for a corn dog and slushy. In my mind I ordered my Sonic Favorites... footlong chili cheese coney, onion rings, and a route 44 rasberry sweet tea. But it reality, just the tea. Wow... I'm so strong! It's true... I really can do anything I set my mind to. So can you... see ya tomorrow.