Hurdling away from me

Today, the love of my live starts a on a journey that will take him half way around the world. Further apart than we've ever been, even before we met and knew that being apart would ever be an option. Of all the ways I know our days will be different while he's away, there's a multitude of ways that our everyday will be exactly the same. Our lives are connected in a way not measured by space and time, but deeper, more profoundly by soul and spirit. There's a peace and reassurance knowing that the same God I have chosen to trust with my eternity, I can trust to protect him and bring him home safely. Ironically, while we're 6500 miles, and 13 hours apart I can't help but hum that old childhood favorite... 'He's got the whole world in His hands...' Big hands, small world, one day at a time.

My heart knows me better...

It's the first line in my favorite KT Tunstall song Big Black Horse and a Cherry Tree... "Well, my heart knows me better than I know myself so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'" If you don't yet know KT's work, go familiarize yourself today. She's been around a long time, but is just now gaining popularity in the states. http://www.kttunstall.com/ At the "Album" link you can hear some of her work. I highly recommend the previously mentioned Big Black Horse, and Other Side of the World. Those are not baby steps.. not milk for the young... these are big fat pieces of meat that you'll need some heartbreak and anguish to fully understand and chew on. But they'll ferret their way into your subconscious and you'll find yourself singing them as if a form of therapy. My heart does in fact know me better than I know myself. So I generally let it do all the talking.
Thanks for listening!

Now, only $19.95

Hmmm, I might be hooked. I realized today that I'm 'talking' to my blog in my head all day long. The mental list of blog-worthy topics tosses around my mind like almost dry laundry. Oh the things I long to share... deep secrets, long lost memories, funny thoughts... the answers to the mysteries of the universe! I have them all you know. And if you call right now... they can be yours for only 3 payments of $19.95 each!!!

I was shocked to see today (according to sitemeter.com) that people from Minnesota, Michigan, California, Maine, New Zealand, & Italy have been on my blog. Wow... these people deserve a little more than almost dry laundry!

I see us all, peering into our computer monitors like a giant crystal ball. Are we looking for a tiny bit of insight into life and how to trudge through tomorrow a little easier? Or are we just killing time until our partner is ready for bed? That answer comes in the package for only 3 easy payments of $19.95!!

I've gotta flush!

Tonight I spent some time dwelling on the circles of people I know, and how I pedal around life depending on them for encouragement and reinforcement.

I love that feeling when you hang up the phone and smile to yourself, just knowing that true friends don't judge. Here's a good quick test to tell if you're in a 'no-matter-what' friendship... flushing the toilet when you're on the phone. Some people you know so intimately that that level of stuff just doesn't matter. I'm so blessed to have a big handful of those types of friends! Friends that'll pick me up in my pj's for a trip to the Jack-in-the-Box drivethrough for milkshakes at midnight, that'll stay up with me after my hubby went to bed when my child was ill, friends that know yucky things about me yet love me anyway. One of those friends mopped me up off the floor in my lowest valley of life, no doubt saving my life. One, prayed with me in her kitchen and brought Jesus into my heart. One, motivates me to buy whole-grain bread & fig newtons. When weaved all together in the tapestry of my everyday, they form the canvas on which I am comfortable and thrive. Wait, hold on a second, I've gotta flush... ;)

Top Ten Ways to Spot a Mommy

Tracy's Top Ten Ways to Spot a Mommy in Public...

10. She's humming the words to a Barney song

9. She has slobber somewhere on her shirt, but doesn't necessarily know it (or care)

8. She know's exactly how much a cheesburger happy meal costs, and has it ready to fork over at any moment.

7. Walks slightly crooked from the hip-monkey phase

6. Absolutely willing to talk to strangers in wal-mart if it means adult conversation!

5. She has that glazed over, just need sleep, zombiefied look in her eye.

4. Most likely wearing stickers or a barbie bandaid

3. Her floorboard has at least 3 bags from fast food restraunts, french fries, and a sippy cup with solidified milk in it.

2. Her hair is pulled back, no makeup, and wrinkled clothes straight off the bathroom floor in the struggle to get the kids to school on time.

And the number one way to identify a mommy in public...
1. She's reminding the waitress to be a good listener and obey when asked to do something the first time!

I believe in humanity

Tonight, I was confronted by a fellow human being with a very sad story. He began by telling me he was a devout Christian, and believed in Jesus and the Bible. He went on to share about his daughter and his hard luck. Of course, he needed money. It's a long story, with many many sad twists. I was alone in the lobby of a high school, in a bad neighborhood, working a reunion. The money box beside me held at least $1000. I was scared. He was persistant. He was big, friendly enough, but still... and sadly... that sterotypical scared overwhlemed me. And, frankly, I believed that he would keep his word and return within a few hours and pay me back. He kept telling me that God would bless me... and I gave him $70 in cash. (Half of what he needed for his daughter's medicine) Within minutes, I knew it was a scam. Ironically, the exact same thing has happened to my new friend Mandy, just this week. Same story, same description. I feel very violated, and very sick. I feel nieve and stupid. I've replayed it in my mind a hundred times, and now know a million different things I wish I'd done instead.

But you know, I BELIEVE with my whole heart that God WILL bless me for it. I'm a believer in the GOOD of humanity. I don't know what that man did with the money, but maybe, just maybe he needed to see that someone out there would care. Maybe my generocity kept him from robbing someone else at gunpoint, or beating his wife and kids tonight.

Evil is as certain as death, but thankfully, good is as certain as God.

"unconstrained"

What a word... "unconstrained!" Of all the words I might use to describe myself, this one might be my new favorite. (Mandy used it to describe my blog - thx mandy!) Those who know me well, know that I can be a bit outspoken, especially about things that I'm passionate about. And come to find out, I'm passionate about a lot. I like to think of myself as compassionate, genuine, funny, and dependable. I don't think I've gotten all the way to stable, polished, collected, and organized yet. Ah, there's hope.

But unconstrained... it unleashes a vision of myself that is uninhibited, no holds barred, not afraid... just ALIVE ! Out there, and loving it! Alive... yet very scared, often unsure, insecure, and trembling. Being alive is not easy... but I'm sure glad I've been given the chance to enjoy this ride. My windows are down but my seatbelt is still on!

Anybody give a blog?

I mean seriously. Once you're an adult... who really cares about you the way your parents did when you were small. It's like that cute little kitten all grown up and sent out into the hard cold world. Who cares!?! Being a mom is a thankless job. There's no comfort for a mommy. She's responsible for dishing out the comfort. And most days, the service never stops. Breakfast, pack lunch, dishwasher, garbage, vaccum, laundry, groceries, bills, feed the dog, feed the fish, give baths, read books, wipe butts, drop of prescriptions, run errands, cut the grass, play a game, pick up from school, dinner, pick up toys, fight over bedtime, lay out clothes, oh & be ready for some foreplay. But who fills her back up when she's bone dry & empty. Little Debbie? Ben & Jerry? Jack? Somedays... nothing. And what's worse than the depleation? The fact that no one else notices.

Alas, I've finally found the purpose of the blog. Type. Just keep typing. It's way better than hauling off and actually saying it all out loud. Thanks, ya'll can all go home now, this pity party is officially over. Gotta go wipe a butt.

Who invented the bra?

It had to be a man. I'm not opposed to it, but geez, could they be more uncomfortable? I don't know about you, but when I get home... it's the first thing to go. After breastfeeding for 11 months, 4 years ago, my boobies aren't quite where God put them anymore. And I don't dare show my face in public without one. I even cringe when the doorbell rings and I know it's the UPS man. But we don't seem to mind those dangly droopy testicles! I vote men have to wear some sort of pinchy sling shot contraption to keep those boys high & perky all day.

Tea Leoni said the funniest thing about boobies on Letterman one night. He asked if she felt pressure in Hollywood to have hers 'done' after the birth of her daughter (now 7). She laughed and said, "I just roll 'em back up every morning, and tuck 'em in my bra like everybody else!" Wow... the world is well aligned when me and Tea Leoni have the same morning rituals!

Mascara Makes Me Sneeze

If I ever write a book, that's going to be the title... "Mascara Makes Me Sneeze!" If you're a man, you have no clue, but if you're a woman... odds are you've sneezed momentarily after putting black paint on your delicate little eyelashes. Then, you have black eyelash stripes on the delicate little skin under your eyes. Will it just rub right off? Heck, no. Most of the time you've got to appy more foundation. This, is exactly what you need when beginning what you know will be a hectic day. When the day starts off with a mascara sneeze... it generally goes south all day.

It would be a laughable book about the small things that life hands us daily to overcome just for the fun of it. Why do you always get the urge to poop in Target? Why, just once can't a drive-through employee give me napkins? Why do I always forget that last load of laundry I put in the washing machine... and have to rewash it because it smells musty when I find it in a few days? Why does Burger King have to run their mushroom swiss burger promotion the same day I start a new diet?? Questions of the universe that someday I'll have time to contemplate. As for now... I'll just blog them your way and see if you have any answers!!

My first time

Well, I have a cell phone, and an ipod... guess I'm official now that I have a blog. Not exactly sure who out there will seriously read this, let alone follow it. But I've always been one to talk to myself, now, I guess I'm technically emailing myself too! Am I a bandwagon jumper? All my cool friends have a blog. I've given in to peer pressure. I just want to be like everybody else! Darn it. Hello? Anybody out there? Hmmm... kinda creepy waiting for myself to answer!!! Welcome aboard! Leave a comment! See ya tomorrow!